Hello there my lovely none existent audience. Here I shall be splaying my guts bare for all and sunder… I used to blog years ago – when blogs first came out… I remember many of my male ‘friends’ would read them and take great delight in laughing at me for my ramblings, for talking about my nights out and upsets and wrongs and slights I had felt I had received…
The thing is – I never did write for other people (though I do like it when it touches someone else or someone feels inclined to comment – that was something I did enjoy – gaining insights from other people about how I perceived reality…), but I wrote for myself, to help me understand my self and to get stuff out of my head… If I talk to people in real life about all this stuff I get upset, I feel embarrassed or I end up changing their perception of me. I am a chronic OVER sharer. So – I’m going back to sharing here ‘anonymously’. haha.
When I used to blog it was as an unrealised stress reliever. I used to suffer BIG time with depression and anxiety. Now I still do – but much less and only when triggered by certain things… thankfully it never lasts very long now a days BUT I’m aiming for 100% IN THE VORTEX! Yes – I do love myself a bit of #Abrahamhicks .
So – recently I made a goddamn holy show of myself – it used to happen fairly often – usually to do with men I have to say… before this incident however it had not happened for a while AND I was starting to get my act together.
I am on a journey of self improvement – one day I’ll be my best self… For today, I’ll sit here in my hideously large mismatching pyjamas with teeth whitening gum shields in, rigged up to a Slendertone stomach thingy and with a number 1 pelvic floor excersizing cone sticking out my fanny (My pelvic floor muscles are SO BAD that even the number 1 is falling out…)
Oh and did I mention I’ve got the mother of all coldsores? – It’s developed right out past the side of the patch and is now migrating down my lip…
But, at least today I did manage to do an hour of yoga, some hip and hamstring stretches and I attempted 10 minutes of ‘beginners’ Pilates (it made me very angry)… I’ve took my pain meds, sorted out the washing and threw away the piles of rotting veg sitting in my fridge (Great intentions – but unfortunately ‘Life’ got in the way again. HAHAHA.
And, I did manage to stay inside my vortex for a while this morning, not all of it – but definitely some and I’ve got the whole rest of the day to practice getting and staying inside. Now, I’m gonna smudge myself, put some ‘Chakra’ music on and make myself a spreadsheet – to make sure I stick to doing all the great things I want to do!
Wish me luck motherfuckers!