Breaking Hearts

Well, I used to think that having your heart broken was the WORST possible feeling in the world… Now I’ve discovered that breaking the heart of someone who loves you to pieces is actually MUCH MUCH worse. But hopefully, one day. When he’s met the woman of his actual dreams, the woman who worships him completely for exactly who he is. Then he will thank me for setting him free…

I can but live in hope. HOWEVER – chocolate, fags, booze and being nasty to myself inside my head is not going to help anyone!

SO, I’ve joined the gym, I’ve exercised every day since we parted and I even meditated today… among all the crying and smoking and crying and talking… At least I’ve exhausted myself into being able to sleep for the first time last night. Progress!

New years resolutions:

Move more – eat less

meditate, move, be healthy, keep my mind occupied, set my intentions and be as positive as humanly possibly eh!

 

whazoo. Namaste dudes x

 

 

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7 Daily Rituals

Keep your life on track – do these 7 every day!! 

1 – HEALTH – What have you done today to improve your health? (EG – Walk, exercize, yoga, drink more water, cut out one coffee a day?)

I struggled to get out of bed this morning BUT I managed to do an hour of yoga, a bit of pilates, I had a smoothie for breakfast and homemade hummus for lunch and then a curry for my tea (I ate too much BUT – it was good food). I also drank at least 3 glasses of water today! BONUS. no fizzies either!!! YAY !!

2 – WEALTH – What have you done today to improve your wealth? (EG – Filing, picked up a coin or a note off the street, do a budget, look for a property?

Not much today – bagged up my august receipts but thats all really – thought about it for tomorrow.

3 – GRATITUDE – What have you seen, heard, smelt, touched or experienced that you are grateful for? (EG – Smell a beautiful rose, experience a special moment)

I’m grateful that I kicked my ass into gear and got some work done! YEA!

4 – EDUCATION – What have you done today to improve your education? (EG – Read a book, listen to an educational CD or podcast, learn to play guitar.)

I’m about to read a book about Chakras!

5 – RELATIONSHIP – What have you done today to connect at a human level with family and friends? (EG – Ring your mum, brother etc. Tell someone you care.)

Spoke to mum on the phone but only briefly and I was a bit moody judy…

6 – SPIRITUAL – What have you done today to help someone else – to make a difference? (EG Teach a child, help a stranger)

Posted some gratitudes on Facebook but nothing else yet…

7 – FUN – What have you done today to simply have fun, relax, laugh and enjoy life? (EG – Laugh with a friend, picnic with the kids, swim in the ocean.)

I’m about to have a LOVELY epsom salt bath! AAAAAH

 

I’m back on it!

Hello there my lovely none existent audience. Here I shall be splaying my guts bare for all and sunder… I used to blog years ago – when blogs first came out… I remember many of my male ‘friends’ would read them and take great delight in laughing at me for my ramblings, for talking about my nights out and upsets and wrongs and slights I had felt I had received…

The thing is – I never did write for other people (though I do like it when it touches someone else or someone feels inclined to comment – that was something I did enjoy – gaining insights from other people about how I perceived reality…), but I wrote for myself, to help me understand my self and to get stuff out of my head… If I talk to people in real life about all this stuff I get upset, I feel embarrassed or I end up changing their perception of me. I am a chronic OVER sharer. So – I’m going back to sharing here ‘anonymously’. haha.

When I used to blog it was as an unrealised stress reliever. I used to suffer BIG time with depression and anxiety. Now I still do – but much less and only when triggered by certain things… thankfully it never lasts very long now a days BUT I’m aiming for 100% IN THE VORTEX! Yes – I do love myself a bit of #Abrahamhicks .

So – recently I made a goddamn holy show of myself – it used to happen fairly often – usually to do with men I have to say… before this incident however it had not happened for a while AND I was starting to get my act together.

I am on a journey of self improvement – one day I’ll be my best self… For today, I’ll sit here in my hideously large mismatching pyjamas with teeth whitening gum shields in,  rigged up to a Slendertone stomach thingy and with a number 1 pelvic floor excersizing cone sticking out my fanny (My pelvic floor muscles are SO BAD that even the number 1 is falling out…)

Oh and did I mention I’ve got the mother of all coldsores? – It’s developed right out past the side of the patch and is now migrating down my lip…

But, at least today I did manage to do an hour of yoga, some hip and hamstring stretches and I attempted 10 minutes of ‘beginners’ Pilates (it made me very angry)… I’ve took my pain meds, sorted out the washing and threw away the piles of rotting veg sitting in my fridge (Great intentions – but unfortunately ‘Life’ got in the way again. HAHAHA.

And, I did manage to stay inside my vortex for a while this morning, not all of it – but definitely some and I’ve got the whole rest of the day to practice getting and staying inside. Now, I’m gonna smudge myself, put some ‘Chakra’ music on and make myself a spreadsheet – to make sure I stick to doing all the great things I want to do!

Wish me luck motherfuckers!

 

 

 

 

Last night I ate ALL of the food…

HOWEVER, today I still feel positive and great! Result 🙂

I could have been good and ate a tangerine BUT it was Friday, my OH had the munchies and I decided to join in with the munchies myself. So after a good day – of beany/veg salad & bubble n squeak (mashed and fried without oil: potatoes, sweet potatoes, carrots, cabbage & onion – with some onion gravy) I decided to devour:

  • 1 packet of space raiders – beef – YUM!

  • Half a big galaxy bar – not the giant one – the 150 gram one.

  • A Hollands Cheese and onion pie with ketchup – AMAZING!

  • half a bag of prawn crackers – they were admittedly a bit too greasy tasting for me but He LOVES them – the Tescos ones from the crisp aisle NOT from the chippy.

  • AND half a packet of Tesco Tempera Prawns with garlic Mayo – they were so good I even ate the goddamn tails! hahahah

BUT you know what! Usually after a binge when I’m dieting – the next day I feel like a big sack of shit! But today  –  I’m feeling pretty damn positive! When I put it all into my Lifesum app (which I LOVE by the way) –  my day still ended on less than 2000 calories. Now admittedly – I may be entering things wrong or whatever BUT it feels so much better than when I was just relying on slimming world ‘syns’. It may just be me – but with Syns – whenever I’d go over 15 I’d just have a melt down because I couldn’t really figure what they were in ‘real life’ and I’d just feel like a fat fuck and want to throw my giant ass off a bridge! However, this time with calories – I know that 2000 calories is still not a stupid amount AND I actually don’t feel bad for eating it all – could it be because my frame of mind is healthier?? This is a first and I’m VERY chuffed! my average calorie intake for this week has been 1154 so – when you look at it – thats pretty damn good and I’ve had no booze at all! GO ME!

Starting the new week with a spring in my step! And I’m feeling GOOD!!!!!! WHAZOO! hope you all have amazing losses and whatever this week also!

I’ll do my  Seven Daily Rituals (I stole these from the APP) for yesterday  here now because – well, why the hell not eh! 

HEALTH – What have you done today to improve your health? (EG – Walk, exercize, yoga, drink more water, cut out one coffee a day?)

Hmmmmm, I don’t think I did anything yesterday to help my physical health. I drank a few Decaf teas to maybe that will count 🙂

WEALTH – What have you done today to improve your wealth? (EG – Filing, picked up a coin or a note off the street, do a budget, look for a property?

DE NADA – but I plan on doing a bit of book keeping this morning so theres a start!

GRATITUDE – What have you seen, heard, smelt, touched or experienced that you are grateful for? (EG – Smell a beautiful rose, experience a special moment)

WORK – I LOVE my job! Sometimes I don’t but most of the time it is extremely gratifying and humbling!

EDUCATION – What have you done today to improve your education? (EG – Read a book, listen to an educational CD or podcast, learn to play guitar.)

Finished the Sirtfood Diet book. Looking forward to starting it when I have the money to buy a juicer!

RELATIONSHIP – What have you done today to connect at a human level with family and friends? (EG – Ring your mum, brother etc. Tell someone you care.)

texted my dad, spoke to mum briefly on the phone and chatted with people at work.

SPIRITUAL – What have you done today to help someone else – to make a difference? (EG Teach a child, help a stranger)

I did my job! yea!

FUN – What have you done today to simply have fun, relax, laugh and enjoy life? (EG – Laugh with a friend, picnic with the kids, swim in the ocean.)

I had the music on at work and made some fun stuff!

 

 

Don’t put Aubergines in a slow cooker…

…unless you want to make baba ganoush!  🙂

Can I just say first of all that I am LOVING the chilled Alpro coconut milk for making my hot chocolates of a night time! Cant believe on slimming world you get 600ml of this OR that 300ml is 60 calories! I’m finding it hard to believe as its so nice and tasty!

I’m bloody stuffed at the moment! Just had my daily ferrero Rocher. Probably could have done without it but it was nice!

I tried to make porridge oat cookies this morning but they just tasted like Canderel! EWWWW. Also I had a coffee at around 10am and was basically ricocheting off the walls at work until about 2.30pm! It was seriously bad!

 

WHY, why do I do it when I know Caffeine is so bad for me! Gordon Bennett! Had a good day food wise today! Using the life sum app to track my food and I’ve had less than 1500 calories today. Feeling good but I’ve got to sort breakfast out! – It needs to work for me. 🙂 Any good breakfast ideas?

Day 4 – Seven Daily Rituals (I stole these from the APP) here – for you all to see 🙂 As well as stopping being a lard ass you see – I’d like to give up my Facebook addiction and reconnect with my life 🙂

HEALTH – What have you done today to improve your health? (EG – Walk, exercize, yoga, drink more water, cut out one coffee a day?)

Drank quite a lot of water! YAY!!!!

WEALTH – What have you done today to improve your wealth? (EG – Filing, picked up a coin or a note off the street, do a budget, look for a property?

transferred some money so I’m not overdrawn!

GRATITUDE – What have you seen, heard, smelt, touched or experienced that you are grateful for? (EG – Smell a beautiful rose, experience a special moment)

I am grateful for the volunteers who worked with me today! MAKES A DIFFERENCE!!!!

EDUCATION – What have you done today to improve your education? (EG – Read a book, listen to an educational CD or podcast, learn to play guitar.)

I’ve just bought the SIRTFOOD diet book and Im reading some tonight!!

RELATIONSHIP – What have you done today to connect at a human level with family and friends? (EG – Ring your mum, brother etc. Tell someone you care.)

A momentary text message to a friend! Been very busy today!

SPIRITUAL – What have you done today to help someone else – to make a difference? (EG Teach a child, help a stranger)

I meditated!!!

FUN – What have you done today to simply have fun, relax, laugh and enjoy life? (EG – Laugh with a friend, picnic with the kids, swim in the ocean.)

I read a lovely story book to some children and they REALLY loved it!

 

 

 

MY HEAD IS SO SORE!!!!!

And my lower back is WRECKING!!! AND I have a tooth ache because I think I broke a filling before – well – I’m almost certain I did – BOOOOO.

BUT, even with all that – I have been good and stuck to plan – and only had one Fererro Rocher… That said I did also have a ‘Skinny Latte’ – them chilled ones out the fridges in Tescos. BUT I chose the skinniest one instead of the double shot I usually get – or the GIANT one – so I’m pleased! I bought it to try and combat the headache which I thought may have been Caffeine withdrawal – HOWEVER it was obviously brought on by sniffing too much Acetone – accidentally!!! I spilled some paint all over the carpet – oops!

So today went fairly well, I’m going to try and knock my morning coffee on the head as the caffeine really makes my belly wobble on the inside and it fills me up so I can’t fit all my breakfast in and breakfast is the most important at the end of the day! I had my soup for lunch and then an apple and a tangerine! GO ME! eating fruit!

I’m noticing my aches and pains at the moment, lower back and hips are really sore from being a flobbalobba! But I’m looking forward to the future. I can FEEL it this time! 2016 is the one!!!!

I heard about the SIRTfood diet today on the radio – sounds BRILLIANT and healthy! I want some HEALTH! So I’ve downloaded the book and I’ll give it a read! – today feeling positive 🙂 but tired as a sack of shit!

Day 3 – Seven Daily Rituals (I stole these from the APP) here – for you all to see 🙂 As well as stopping being a lard ass you see – I’d like to give up my Facebook addiction and reconnect with my life 🙂

HEALTH – What have you done today to improve your health? (EG – Walk, exercize, yoga, drink more water, cut out one coffee a day?)

Sweet FA :S – Today has been a BUSY one! But I suppose I did choose healthy ISH options. my snack was some chicken breast and fruit so I guess I’ve stuck to my plan and that is beneficial to health YAY!

WEALTH – What have you done today to improve your wealth? (EG – Filing, picked up a coin or a note off the street, do a budget, look for a property?

Nothing at all! oops!

GRATITUDE – What have you seen, heard, smelt, touched or experienced that you are grateful for? (EG – Smell a beautiful rose, experience a special moment)

I am grateful that the OH made my tea and my hot chocolate and got me pain killers and ferried me to Tescos to buy plastic wallets!

EDUCATION – What have you done today to improve your education? (EG – Read a book, listen to an educational CD or podcast, learn to play guitar.)

I’ve just bought the SIRTFOOD diet book and I can’t wait to read it!!!

RELATIONSHIP – What have you done today to connect at a human level with family and friends? (EG – Ring your mum, brother etc. Tell someone you care.)

A momentary text message to a friend! Been very busy today!

SPIRITUAL – What have you done today to help someone else – to make a difference? (EG Teach a child, help a stranger)

I meditated!!!

FUN – What have you done today to simply have fun, relax, laugh and enjoy life? (EG – Laugh with a friend, picnic with the kids, swim in the ocean.)

I read a lovely story book to some children and they digged it!

 

Goooooooooooooooood night! x x

What a Day – I’m on my way!

PHEW! What a day!

First off – my porridge (that I’d soaked overnight with water) exploded all over the microwave! Then I REALLY didn’t want to eat it – HOWEVER, once I added a bit of salt I actually really enjoyed it – think ill add an apple tomorrow too!

Then I forgot to take my lunch out with me!! So by 2.30 I was FAMISHED so headed off to Tesco only to find that I’d left my bank cards at home!!! But thankfully I had my parking change AND I found a pound in the parking lot! BUT jeez Louise – how expensive are lunch things that are healthy and not sandwiches?? I ended up getting a pot of cottage cheese and some chicken tikka pieces and a diet coke – I wanted to add some salad but couldn’t afford it and didn’t fancy salad instead of the cheese!

So after a VERY long day at work – I have just finished my Pea and Potato soup (meant to be lunch – but ended up being dinner at 9pm), I’ve just had one crisp (while the other half had the whole half a bag and some Ferrero Rochers) and now I’m going to have a hot chocolate and head to bed!

I know I’m meant to have fruit before snacks BUT my hot chocolate is the second half of my HEA and I DONT CARE! 🙂 I’ve had a long day, I’m very tired but I have also been very good! WOOHOO

day 2:  Seven Daily Rituals (I stole these from the APP) here – for you all to see 🙂 As well as stopping being a lard ass you see – I’d like to give up my Facebook addiction and reconnect with my life 🙂

HEALTH – What have you done today to improve your health? (EG – Walk, exercize, yoga, drink more water, cut out one coffee a day?)

I had one coffee, one diet coke and 2 bottles of water! YAY to the water!! I’ve also stuck to plan instead of eating whatever from the shop when I forgot my lunch!!

WEALTH – What have you done today to improve your wealth? (EG – Filing, picked up a coin or a note off the street, do a budget, look for a property?

I found a pound today!!!!

GRATITUDE – What have you seen, heard, smelt, touched or experienced that you are grateful for? (EG – Smell a beautiful rose, experience a special moment)

I am grateful that I nearly got all my work done today. Not quite – theres a bit I have to re-do as it didn’t work quite how I wanted.

EDUCATION – What have you done today to improve your education? (EG – Read a book, listen to an educational CD or podcast, learn to play guitar.)

Sweet FA – well – not true. I learned a bit more about painting!

RELATIONSHIP – What have you done today to connect at a human level with family and friends? (EG – Ring your mum, brother etc. Tell someone you care.)

Been texting my lovely friend and arranging a holiday for the summer!

SPIRITUAL – What have you done today to help someone else – to make a difference? (EG Teach a child, help a stranger)

Nothing 😦 boohoo! – But I did meditate! So I’ve helped me 🙂

FUN – What have you done today to simply have fun, relax, laugh and enjoy life? (EG – Laugh with a friend, picnic with the kids, swim in the ocean.)

Listened to The BEATLES!!!! all day!!!! YEA! 🙂

 

Peas Out! x x x

 

 

 

 

 

Dim Sum, Determination and divinity…

“You know the rule, if I can’t fit in any fruit I’m not allowed a Ferrero Rocher”.

What is it with me and eating until I’m so full I can’t breathe? Why do I gorge on everything?

This morning it was my OH’s mums 60th birthday so we went out to a Chinese Restaurant for Dim Sum… Admittedly I did eat a bit of everything AND I had two pieces of mooli cake (my favourite) and a slice of birthday cake – though it was one eighth of the cake as opposed to my usual one quarter!!!! I kept going long after I was full – HOWEVER I did stop much earlier than I usually would – so thats a start!

Usually at Dim Sum I’ll stuff my little face until I feel like I’m going to hurl BECAUSE it is SO DAMN tasty!!!! But today I just had one of everything, an extra sui mai (coz thats how I roll) and an extra piece of mooli cake… It’ll be good to see myself in a few months and see if I still give in to temptation that badly OR if once my mojo gets going – I’ll be able to not eat everything in sight EVER!

I was so stuffed I didn’t eat again until this evening when we made ourselves a GIANT batch of Minestrone soup – using this recipe  but with a bit of added balsamic vinegar at the end! – It was pretty good! Not Ferrero Rocher good – but good.  I’ve also started posting EVERYTHING to pass my lips on my instagram! CHECK IT OUT 

I’ve also decided to start recording my Seven Daily Rituals (I stole these from the APP) here – for you all to see 🙂 As well as stopping being a lard ass you see – I’d like to give up my Facebook addiction and reconnect with my life 🙂

HEALTH – What have you done today to improve your health? (EG – Walk, exercize, yoga, drink more water, cut out one coffee a day?)

I’ve drank more sugar free squash than I usually do, had a peppermint tea and lots of green tea – no coffee! Made a giant batch of soup for lunches all week!

WEALTH – What have you done today to improve your wealth? (EG – Filing, picked up a coin or a note off the street, do a budget, look for a property?

I finally organised my receipts into months – I haven’t done the book keeping yet BUT I have put it in order. 🙂 YAY!

GRATITUDE – What have you seen, heard, smelt, touched or experienced that you are grateful for? (EG – Smell a beautiful rose, experience a special moment)

I am grateful for my current motivation, enthusiasm and willingness to LOSE THIS WEIGHT 🙂 I am also grateful for how damn nice them Sui Mai’s tasted this morning!

EDUCATION – What have you done today to improve your education? (EG – Read a book, listen to an educational CD or podcast, learn to play guitar.)

I read a GREAT article today on Blood Types and Diet! I’m type A and lo and behold – I’m meant to be a veggie and i can’t process fat! He is type O – king of the meat eaters! Made a lot of sense! you can read it here!! 

RELATIONSHIP – What have you done today to connect at a human level with family and friends? (EG – Ring your mum, brother etc. Tell someone you care.)

Took bro some food from the restaurant as he was too ill to come along, I’ve texted my dad AND I’ll message my mum in a minute!

SPIRITUAL – What have you done today to help someone else – to make a difference? (EG Teach a child, help a stranger)

Nothing 😦 boohoo! – But then I suppose I did prep a few things for my lessons on tuesday and technically I didn’t ‘need’ to – so I sort of helped people by being mega prepared!

FUN – What have you done today to simply have fun, relax, laugh and enjoy life? (EG – Laugh with a friend, picnic with the kids, swim in the ocean.)

Watched coming to america!!! 🙂 while typing this!

“Ooh, I’ve just ate a tangerine! Means I’m allowed ONE ferrero Rocher after all!  GOODNIGHT” 😉 x x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Second… Coming

Day 2 – Remembering Moderation! My OH has put on 1 stone to my millions – he can eat less than me – and we both need to remember this!

I didn’t even have to look at the Menu this morning – I was obviously choosing Eggs Benedict. The Other Half ordered himself a full english when the waitress came over with the coffee. He had said he was going to be good and get an Omelette. After I put two lumps of sugar in my coffee and added a generous helping of milk, I gazed out at the stormy sea and mused to myself…

This is where the trouble always starts you see…

Neither one of us likes to feel short changed. So if were staying in a gorgeous hotel on the seafront as we are today – AS IF I’m not getting Eggs Benedict and as if he wouldn’t go for the full English? 🙂 he he.

HOWEVER, on the drive home, after I’d packed that goddamn brown dress and the four other new dresses that I’d not even worn (I tried them all on for new years eve but I looked like a whale so sadly the Brown Dress came back out) we talked about what sort of foods we were going to have. Mr Meat eater actually said he WANTS to eat vegetarian food sometimes, and we decided on a good old Pea and Potato Soup for tea!

When we got home, I opened the fridge. Mozzarella, Cheddar, Haloumi, Manchego and some other bulk bought Cheeses from Costco were filling the shelves… Moderation my dear! You can still have your cake and eat it too – you just have to control your portions!

After Our Pea and Potato Soup – we had some Mince Pies – well – I had 1 and two tablespoons of double cream (WHAT it needs eating!!). We also made each other a promise – no other snackies are allowed of an evening unless you fitted in a piece of fruit first!

I had a tangerine, he had two, and after the Mince Pie (‘s for him) he had a bowl full of Walkers Sensations – I had two crisps. I’m feeling accomplished!

LETS KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!